Sunday, January 25, 2009

Controversy in Discipline...

In my last post, I wrote about how I disciplined Luca after he pooped in his diaper and spread it throughout his room. If you missed it, go to the post below...
Here is a comment that I got from an anonymous reader. She wrote this out of concern, and a kind heart. I am going to post it, and I could be opening up a whole can of worms, but I am okay with that!!! (please if you participate in this post, please be respectful of all views...we all parent different! As long as there is not being any harm physically, emotionally, or mentally to the child I am open to ideas!)
Anonymous said...

Hi Rebekah, I stumbled across your blog while looking at others. You do not know me, but I want to say that you look and seems like a BEAUTIFUL family. While I see nothing wrong with what you did, I know others would not share in our ideals for child training. Out of love for you, my first thought is that I would not post this blog because there are some (some never having kids) that would not have the sense to understand your consequence. Just my 2 cents to help you.

January 25, 2009 9:47 AM

Rebekah Hubley said...

Dear Anyonymous-

Thank you for your concern! I hope you know that my Aunt Phyl (comment above) was totally joking about the water boarding!!! I never dumped the cold water into his mouth and at no time was he ever in any danger. My husband questioned me posting this, but in no way was he ever in any harm.

I did spank him once, but it never left any marks, nor would I ever hurt him.

I am okay with the post still, because to me, it is a creative, lasting, but not hurting consequence to his behavior. If you read through my blog, this is a child that is into EVERYTHING!!!!!! He learns by real life experiences and not by time outs--even though he gets them---they are more for me!

I struggle sometimes to figure out how to teach him best. I have to be very creative with him. I know that he is only 2 1/2, but he does know better--he is VERY SMART.

I thank you for your concern, and comments, and it has made me think about my choices in parenting.

So, here is my analysis:

If CPS came to my door and questioned my parenting, or this situation, I would be totally confident in my choices of discipline. I would not be afraid to tell them that my children get spanked once in a while, because I never spank to hurt. (Actually, I don't spank much because I don't really know how effective it is. I do almost entirely time outs privelages (sp?) taken away. With Luca, I do need to be more creative to make a lasting impression--like leaving food on him for a few minutes, or washing him with cold water, etc...

I am self confident in my parenting skills, and I am totally open to people questioning my thoughts or giving alternative solutions!!!!

There is a saying that goes: "It takes a village to raise a child."

That statement could not be truer than with Luca.

Once again, I am not offended by your comments and I welcome any thoughts...


So, what are some creative disciplining that has worked for you in the past? Leave a comment, and I will make a post of them. Lord knows that there are days that I need to pull something new "out of a hat" because I can't think straight anymore!"

I will start us off with 2 situations: One from our family and one that I read about and am storing in my brain for later use when our kids are teenagers...

#1: Hannah had a very hard time transitioning from Kindergarten to 1st grade last year. The teachers were not expecting much out of her, and she was pushing them to find the boundaries... I think it was the 1st week of school and I had just laid Luca and Micah down for their naps and they had just fallen asleep. I got a call from her school that I needed to pick her up because she was being so disruptive and disobedient. "What??? Hannah??? I think she even hit someone with her cane." I was BEYOND ANGRY!!!! I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT I HAD TO GO AND GET HER AND IN THE PROCESS WAKE HER BROTHERS UP..."

I get there and find her in the principal's office laughing. I quickly took her firmly by the shoulder and marched her out to the office and had her apologize to the office staff, principal, and then took her to her teacher to apologize. I think she thought it was going to be fun when she got home??? There was about 1 hour left of school, and when we got home she had to stand in the corner, without saying a word, for the duration of the school day. She told me at the end that her legs were going to fall off... :-) lol... She thought the world was coming to an end!!! It worked, and made a lasting impression. She has never been sent home from school again, and this year is getting excellent marks for behavior... I had to get to her where it 'hurt' the most. If you know Hannah, she does not like to exert herself physically, unless she is swimming, and she loves to talk.

#2: Here is a story that I read a couple years ago and have tucked it away for a day in the future... I think it is great!!! (From Fox News)

MEMPHIS, Tennessee — A Tennessee mother fed up with her daughter's misbehavior took an unusual tack in for latest punishment, making her stand on a busy street corner with an attention-getting sign.

Tashara Wilkins, 13, held a sign Sunday reading, "I don't obey my parents, I'm a liar. I steal from my mom. I have a bad attitude."

"All other resources haven't worked, so I'm making her be publicly humiliated today," mother Cherie Wilkins told WMC-TV in Memphis. "I hope this works for her. I love my child. ... I could be beating her to death, but I'm not."

She said her daughter's bad attitude Sunday morning led to the public display.

Tashara said having to wear her offenses was eye-opening.

"It might even work," she said. "I'm gonna start (behaving better) because I don't want to be standing out here with everybody looking at me like I'm crazy with this sign."

The mother said her daughter would go to church Tuesday night wearing the sign.


So, what are your more creative punishments???


Abby said...

To be completely honest I thought the same thing. I have never had a child poop all over so I have no idea what I would do. I know you are a wonderful and loving mother but I got nervous for you since you are in the adoption process. I know in our home study they asked us if we spank and wrote in the homestudy that we don't use corporal I don't know how big of a deal that is or not. Maybe it doesn't matter but I tend to be a little paranoid.

That is the hard thing about blogging! I have said things and then rewritten them because I wondered if it came across differently than I meant. But anyone who has spent anytime on your blog can see you are beyond amazing in your mothering skills so it is probably fine. Just my 2 cents!!

Abby said...

Oh and to answer your question- we found a great book called Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Kevin Lehman. He has some great, creative ideas.
Here's one I did- not from the book but Hailey was going through this odd phase of licking people to annoy them. So I made her lick her arm 25 times. Her tongue got dry and by the end she was over her licking phase. :)

Heather said...

Time outs have NEVER worked for Acer. He would judge what he wanted to do versus the punishment. I watched him chortle as he threw toys down the stairs and then move to the time out stair and sit himself down.
The method we've had that worked the best for us was 'Time In' He has to hold on to us, a pocket a belt strap, or something and hang out with us for 5 minutes while we continued doing whatever we were, before the need for time in. It takes the emphasis off him, almost ignoring his bad behavior (attention getting usually) and still letting him know it wasn't acceptable.
Heather BT

Katie Todd said...

We struggle just like you as we have a very creative 4 year old. She's been like this since day one and keeps us on our toes. We totally agree with you on the creative have to get them where it "hurts" that I don't actually mean hurting them. Emily doesn't get the time out thing...I think that is where she comes up with a lot of her ideas! And most of the time, our ideas of "punishment" don't work. Drives us crazy!!

Laurie said...

I have done this...if a kid breaks something that needs repair (like once Will pulled down a curtain rod), he has to sit there and watch while dad fixes playing or helping (because that would be fun), but just sit and watch. Also when one of mine continued to wet the bed and I knew it was just out of laziness to get out of bed in them morning, I made him sit in his room the whole time it took me to wash, dry, and put his sheets back on his bed. So pretty much it made them realize that these 'little' things they were doing were 'big' things for mom and dad, and took a lot of time to fix or clean, etc.